【Female Instructor’s Strange Private Lesson (2025)】

The Female Instructor’s Strange Private Lesson (2025)Washington Post recently published excerpts from transcripts they received of President Trump's tense January 27 phone call with Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull.

During the conversation, President Trump expressed his hesitancy to accept refugees from Australian detention centers, saying, "I guarantee you they are bad... They are not going to be wonderful people who go on to work for the local milk people."

Mashable Humor is honored to publish the thoughts of one such local milk person.

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Hallo there! It is I, Sampson, the milk person. I hear thee president has spoked highly of my people, so I have emerged from my milky den to tell ye what our deal is.

Please, do not fear me, fellows, for I mean no harm and I am no danger to you or yer kin. We milk people live a quiet life, yeh see. A life free of waste and full of milk, exposing ourselves to yer modern world only to borrow a cow or give the white nectar of life to someone in need.

The white nectar of life is milk.

We are not dairy farmers. Do not call us that, it is not what we are and we are different from them.

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I know my white body, dripping with milk, may be differ'nt from what ye are used to, but it is how the MilkLord made me. The MilkLord is the name we have given to God.

Let me know if this is too much too fast. Credit: mashable composite; shutterstock

Each day, we wake with the sun, scurrying out of our burrows lined with milk to ensure our milk deposits haven't been raided in the night by another clan. We each drink a gallon of milk and we recite the Three Commandments of our people:

1. Thou shall drink milk even if you feel like you have had too much

2. Ye can never have too much milk, do not think that

3. Lactose intolerance is the work of the devil

When we're done, we get to work doing what it is that we have committed our lives to: drinking milk and figuring out more stuff that you can make out of milk. To be honest, we haven't made any breakthroughs in a very long time, but when we do, you'll know.

We are not milk delivery people. I am so fecking sick of people thinking that's what we are -- couldn't be further from the truth.

We do different experiments with milks and creams straight through until sunset, when we pack up our churns and our various gizmos, drink a quick gallon of whole and head home to our families.

B'lieve me, friends, I know what yer thinking. "Sampson, are ye sure tha president was speaking about you -- a rare subspecies of human with milk fer blood who is obsessed with milk and lives in a milk hole -- and he isn't just a big dumb idiot who forgot the word for farmer and has never heard of a corner store because he is too rich to care?"

Yes, of course I'm sure. President Trump is making clear what we milk folk have known fer ages: we exist, we love milk and we are important enough to be brought up in the first conversation between two of the most powerful human beings on earth.

Oh, while I have everyone here: we are looking for part time employees for the fall who are nice and love milk.

BONUS: Can you find the Queen among all these corgis?

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