Louis C.K. loves masturbation. Even people with a passing knowledge of his comedy know that,child erotice since the jerking-off motion basically became a calling card of his stand-up routine.
It was such an obsessive focus of C.K.'s body of work that, in 2015, Death and Taxesmagazine put together a twenty-seven minute long supercut splicing together all his masturbation jokes.
And now, it's one of the hardest 27 minutes to sit through and watch on the internet.
SEE ALSO: Louis C.K. accused of sexual misconduct by five women in New York Times storyA New York Timesarticle published Thursday detailed five women's accounts of C.K. masturbating in front of them without their consent. Echoes of their stories, which first surfaced as off-the-record "rumors" all the way back in 2012, ring throughout each cringe-inducing joke. As every mimicked motion is met with gut-busting laughter, the shame of having ever found them funny settles deeper into our guts.
It's hard to understand why we didn't face the ugly truth only barely hidden in C. K.'s repertoire. We must have been too busy relating to his brand of seemingly unflinching, confessional, hyper-honest, genuine, and self-deprecating humor. But now we have no excuse. The laughter has turned to ash in our mouths.
And it feels like our duty to his accusers to go back and face the awful music. Just take a look at the worst of the worst from C.K.'s award-winning career:
“This country’s pretty perverted. We have to jack off to everything. ... Sex is in everything. You watch the news and there’s like a woman telling you, like, 'Ohh and in Libya' -- and I’m like, 'Yeah well tell me about Libya [mimics masturbating furiousy]. Tell me about Libya. Say Libya again, come on.' I’m fucking right up to my screen, my flat screen. 'Come on, say Libya again.' [Grunts.] It should just be a person, in Lybia. Why does it all have to be so sexualized?”
"Some things I’m sick of, like the constant, perverted, sexual thoughts. I’m so tired of those [grunts sexual words]. It makes me into an idiot. Jacking off to morons like, 'Ooh, look at my tits!' Yeah, your tits are awesome. It’s a dumb part of life that I’m sick of. It's all day, too. You can't have a day. I just want to be a person, in clothes, walking in a store. I just want to go to a library and ask for, 'Hi ma'am I'm looking for a book about early Abraham Lincoln and—[mimics jacking off]wish I could wrap your hair around my dick.' Aw, shit! I'm trying to talk to her! That's a male problem. It's really a male problem -- not being able to control their constant sexual impulses. Women try to compete... [But] you're a tourist in sexual perversion. I'm a prisoner there."
"I need to come, I need to — coming is a need, I came the first time when I was 12 and I haven’t skipped a day. I come every day and I fucked maybe 20 times in my life, so. It’s just been me doing most of the work and I really — you know, I jerk off way too much and it upsets me and I don’t know why. Maybe cause it’s so selfish, I don’t know what it is, but I know it’s bad, I know I’m hurting somebody somewhere."
REPORTER: You were the only person we could find who would come here to defend masturbation.
LOUIE: Well, I like it. It's easy, and it's fun, and no one gets hurt ... [Later in the interview] It keeps me sane. I’m a good citizen, a good father, I recycle, and I masturbate. And I’m proud of it. And god's happy. And later, I’m going to masturbate and think about you. And there’s nothing you can do about it.
"Now when I see a beautiful girl walking down the street, I’m like, ‘Hey, fuck you, I don’t give a shit.’ — ew. Go fuck somebody else, I’ll jerk off to you later, probably have a better time. Not like she would’ve fucked the shit out of me anyway, you know, like she would’ve given me her best. I never really got the best out of a beautiful woman."
In a lot of ways, our collective outrage at Hollywood for protecting the “open secret” of Harvey Weinstein’s sexual predation has come full circle, and is now pointing directly back at us.
Because when it comes to Louis C. K., we have no one to blame but ourselves for not listening to the many, manywarning signs. This time, we can’t just blame Hollywood elites who “all fucking knew” about Harvey Weinstein's predatory tendencies, but still did nothing.
We were all complicit in C.K.’s sexual misconduct, by being so quick to disregard women’s allegation as mere rumor, while rewarding the accused predator with more praise, limelight, and power. Ultimately, we owe it to the victims and ourselves to take this as a lesson: When men in entertainment openly admit that their uncontrollable sexual urges must be "hurting someone," we should take them at their word.
Or, at the very least, take the women who are brave enough to come forward and confirm it at theirword.
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