Those among us who are adult movies online | Adult Movies Onlinedifferent -- who constitutionally cannot conform to mainstream expectations no matter the pressure -- are nota burden, but beautiful gifts who enrich our lives and move us all toward the light.
It's a truth as old as evolution itself, and a parabolic plot twist expressed in art since time immemorial, perhaps never with more clarity than in the 1964 TV special Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, burnished beautifully by Inside Out. And we need these reminders, because this truth -- no matter how universally accepted -- is in constant combat with our world.
SEE ALSO: Debate settled: The plural of emoji is...Now, imagine if there was just such a movie coming out this weekend, hot on the heels of President Donald Trump's ghastly, cruel, and thoroughly wrongheaded decision to exclude transgender people from military service.
Would you hate it, that movie?
Could you?
Apparently the answer is yes, because this is the central message of The Emoji Movie. And the hate is hot.
These scathing takedowns suggest Emoji is evil. This just isn't true.
Critics don't just dislike The Emoji Movie, which stands at a lowly 3% on Rotten Tomatoes-- they're bullying it to a bloody pulp, the equivalent of a vicious schoolyard gang beat-down from which no one would emotionally recover.
A few examples: Everyone involved should be ashamed... keep your children far away... a painful viewing experience... A demonstration of artistic abdication at its most venal... dunked in toxic ooze... Do Not See This Movie ...
I could go on. They certainly did. There's a pack mentality around film critics that takes hold for a thing like this, with everyone trying to outdo one another, as feeling strongly a certain way about a certain thing becomes fashionable.
Every one of these scathing takedowns would suggest that The Emoji Movieis somehow evil, subtractive, vile to the degree that it will do you and your family harm to see it.
I am here to tell you that this just isn't true.
I am nothere to hit back at these critics, or call them out, or shame them for their words or feelings. From what I've been reading, their venom largely springs from disdain for its foundations as a Hollywood cash-grab. They despise that a studio tried this in the first place. All the product-placement. Its mediocrity.
Those are not invalid criticisms. Frankly, they are feelings we all brought into The Emoji Movie, even my own children (who wound up liking it just fine in spite of them).
Throw all that aside and The Emoji Movie, as a movie, is just ... "meh." Its characters are generic, its jokes are only mildly funny, its world and continuity are riddled with holes and its look and feel are just this side of acceptable for a modern animated film not made by Pixar.
It's not a goodmovie. But it's also not an evil movie. It doesn't have a mean bone in its body. And there are plenty of those. (What I mean by "evil": Glorifying regressive ideas or character choices, like the toxic masculinity/conquest leanings of the title character in Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets, to cite a recent, if subtle, example.)
I also suspect critics are not looking at Emoji Movieas a product for its intended audience, which is obviously, duh, kids. Have you flipped through the Disney Channel offerings lately? Spent five minutes with whatever's on the "Netflix for Kids" queue on in the background? If you want vapid, soul-crushing, slapdash, utterly incomprehensible and ill-conceived entertainments, that's the place to find them. Trust me -- in that context alone, Emojiis a thing of high quality indeed.
But this is not a defense of The Emoji Movie's quality. It's a defense of its heart, which, despite its questionable provenance, is firmly in the right place.
The main character's job is to make the same face all the time: "Meh," the one he was assigned at birth. He tries and tries, but he simply cannot keep it -- his expression is fluid, mutable, expressed to his true emotions no matter what he does -- and so he is marked for deletion. And spoiler alert: As it turns out, this "malfunction" is really his special power that saves everyone in the end.
Sound familiar?
As much as I agree that The Emoji Movieis a crassly conceived, derivative, sloppily executed mess of a mediocre animated movie -- how many of those do we get per year? -- I can't work up the hate for it.
In fact, all the hate expressed for it makes me feel genuinely protective and ... even a little sad. Because it also has a beautiful, timely message that, somewhere deep in its core, was made with love.
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