Spooky spoilers follow. Beeeeewaaaarrrrreeeeee!
A new season of American Horror Storyoffers us so much.
It offers another opportunity to get mildly creeped out over bloated horror tropes. It gives us another chance to wonder just how far FX's censors will allow Ryan Murphy003 ArchivesBrad Falchuk to take their whims. And it also allows us to shake our head every episode over the dumb, dumb things that happen.
The Season 6 premiere was no different. Sure, the show is taking a unique approach to its storytelling, letting the events unfold in faux-documentary format. And it actually might tie the plot to something semi-historical, the disappearance of the lost Roanoke colony in Virginia. But still, this episode was chock full of silly over-the-top nonsense and promised so much more in the season to come.
Here are the dumbest things that happened last night.
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable While it's kind of an interesting gimmick, to have the show be the dramatization of events and have the 'actual' people as talking heads, it takes away a lot of the stakes.
If they are talking about it, then they survived. Which mean's they'll be fine. Which means they won't die. And people should die in American Horror Story.
Hopefully they're just messing with us and some other nutso stuff will happen,
The pivotal event that sends Shelby and Matt off into their great American journey is a gang initiation which involved going up to a stranger and punching them. It sent Matt to the hospital. And they talk about it a lot throughout the episode.
It is the lamest gang initiation. It's a punch to the face. It also looks very silly.
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable Additionally, Shelby describes this as "the worst night of our lives."
1. You've had pretty great lives.
2. That really doesn't bode well for the season to come of a show called American Horror Story.
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable As usual on American Horror Story, the play for 'ominous characters' turns into silly stereotypes. The spitting, toothless, undershirt-wearing, dead-eye staring hillbillies were no different.
Welcome back, show!
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable The characters only had to pay $40,000 for this house. It would not have a hot tub. The hot tub would cost a quarter of that.
Did the colonists put in the hot tub? Is that how they all died? Too much hanging out in the jacuzzi without cleaning it?
It was very dumb that they had a hot tub.
We get it. Shelby likes yoga.
Just look at her try.
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable That's not how you cut carrots, Shel.
Drink some more wine.
With Sarah Paulson and Cuba Gooding Jr., the casting of the show can be a little distracting.
Though Paulson has been a longtime, and great, regular, she and Cuba were feature players on the fantastic People v. O.J. Simpson, also on FX.
They're both very fine actors. But it's a little strange seeing Marcia Clark boning The Juice.
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable It's great to hear that after six seasons, the show still hasn't found a better way to keep people in haunted houses.
While these people should seriously GTFO immediately, Cuba can only say, "It's our home, Shel. Where else would we go?"
If teeth are raining down, dead pigs are showing up on your doorstep and people are trying to drown you in your hot tub, it's not a very good excuse.
Can't wait to watch the next episode!
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable 
Amazon Pet Day: All the best deals
WhatsApp continues fight against fake news with new ‘search image’ feature
Apple says Spotify wants to 'make more money off others' work'
Dude notices a stranger's Tinder photo was taken in his bathroom
The internet is talking like Kevin from 'The Office' now
Tesla reveals the Model Y, its new mid
Chill out with these 10 mesmerizing GIFs
Samsung is working to put a selfie camera underneath a phone's screen
NYT Connections hints and answers for May 18: Tips to solve 'Connections' #707.
Google announces Android Q beta for Pixel 1, 2, and 3
Stablecoin bill advances in U.S. Senate as Trump critics call to end his crypto dealings
Apple funded study finds Apple Watch can detect irregular heart rate
James Franco knows Clinton is the closest thing to a Hermione administration
The story of Otto, the creator of Uber's self
Get the official Atari 7800+ Console for 50% off
For her 69th birthday, Hillary Clinton got herself a nice tweet
The ocean keeps gulping massive amounts of carbon dioxide from the air
Apple funded study finds Apple Watch can detect irregular heart rate
Best keyboard deals: Save on Asus gaming keyboards at Amazon
Flight on Southwest or American? Make sure it wasn't on a Boeing 737 Max.
'Avengers: Endgame' beat the last major 'Avatar' box office recordDanai Gurira is done on 'The Walking Dead' and fans are so sadUber: Don't trust the government with your data, but trust usTinder trolls CES by pitching a regular reality headsetSouthwest offers free mileage points when you let a stranger rent your carTake a look at the pickup truck emoji that could arrive in 2020China slams Trump's 'obsession with Twitter diplomacy'People are understandably freaked out by this toy horse's genitaliaEverything coming to (and going from) Hulu in August 2019Kim Kardashian's selfies have returned to bring peace on EarthBest of San Diego ComicKim Kardashian's selfies have returned to bring peace on EarthHas South Korea really hired an official to monitor Donald Trump's tweets?With all eyes on Libra, Bitcoin drops below $10,000People are losing it over these ridiculously posh baby name suggestionsPolice department prepares for brutal parking wars with 'Game of Cones'New and improved Nintendo Switch model gets better battery lifeFaceApp clones are also going viral, you should still be carefulThis city now allows women to carry knives for 'self protection' on metro trainsNetflix blames 126,000 lost U.S. subscribers on price hikes It's Monday and you deserve this sexy Harry Potter boudoir shoot The Cleveland Indians just trolled Jose Bautista on Twitter Hillary Clinton's email headache just turned back into a migraine People believe Pamela Anderson poisoned Julian Assange with vegan food Rockstar drives 'Red Dead Redemption' fans wild with new image Your iPhone's fingerprint sensor might soon unlock your car Chronos turns your old watch into a smartwatch Tweaking Windows 10 Privacy Settings Man gets 20 years for shooting at George Zimmerman and the internet can't cope No, baby boomers, millennials aren't poor because they eat smashed avocado Good news for Trump: Journalists throw cash at Clinton You no longer have to order cheesesteaks in English Duracell stages another epic Star Wars battle in early holiday commercial Russia Today claims UK bank accounts have been 'frozen' 30 Halloween costumes that bring the family together Meet Percival the peacock: Defender of chickens, protector of the farm Apple doesn't need to build a car to get what it really wants The boat unoffcially known as Boaty McBoatface is officially under construction Why it's completely legal to trade votes across state lines Now four members of One Direction have solo deals
1.9315s , 10158.046875 kb
Copyright © 2025 Powered by 【2003 Archives】,Prosperous Times Information Network